


Into The Dark

by GypsyJr (HippieGeekGirl)



Category: How I Met Your Mother
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-08-18
Updated: 2010-08-18
Packaged: 2017-10-11 03:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,871
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/108040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HippieGeekGirl/pseuds/GypsyJr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For some people, falling in love is a gradual series of realizations. AU after season 3.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Into The Dark

Hospitals, in Barney's considered opinion, sucked. Sure, mocking the humorless nurses while his friends scribbled inappropriate graffiti all over his casts had been kind of fun, but being stuck in bed and immobile for weeks on end was decidedly un-awesome. Not that being home was much better. In the five days since he'd been released from the hospital, Lily hadn't stopped fussing over him, Marshall was still going on about miracles, Ted and Stella were busy being all couple-y at each other, and Robin… well. Robin was confusing.

On top of everything else, they'd thrown him an alcohol-free "welcome back" party because he was still on painkillers. Were they _trying_ to make him miserable? He'd made his excuses as soon as he could and headed up to the roof.

"Hey." Robin appeared next to him as if his thinking about her had summoned her somehow. "People are starting to notice the guest of honor's gone AWOL."

"I just needed to… think about some stuff."

"And Lily doesn't allow cigars in the apartment."

"That too," he agreed, realizing belatedly that she'd been offering him an out. Damn.

He'd been doing that more often lately. Not smoking or belatedly realizing things, but thinking. Contrary to Marshall and Lily's teasing, nothing had flashed before his eyes in the seconds before his accident. There hadn't been _time_. But he'd had nothing but time during his recuperation, and one of the few reliable conclusions he'd come to was that fate was an unpredictable son of a bitch. What happened to him could have happened to any of them, and the outcome could have been very different.

The other conclusion he'd come to was that a Robin-less world was an unexpectedly terrifying possibility.

"Hey, Scherbatsky?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me you're not going anywhere."

Ashes flaked off his cigar and drifted toward the street below as she leaned against the railing and wrapped her arm around his. "I'm not going anywhere."  
_____

Three weeks later a cancer scare nearly made her a liar.

Fortunately everything turned out alright, but only after a long and anxious wait for test results. Looking back on it even years later, Robin could never quite figure out why she'd confided in Barney first. Maybe his moment of rooftop vulnerability had brought them closer together, or maybe she just needed someone to be there for her without being too clingy. Maybe it was simply because he was the only person she knew who could actually keep a secret. Whatever the reason, he'd shown up at her place without comment the night following her biopsy, listening and letting her leave a wet patch on his shoulder as she told him how her mother had gone through the same procedure, followed by a series of difficult treatments that had ended with major surgery.

Eventually she'd cleaned herself up and gone to bed, wrapping herself up in her comforter like a human burrito. She could tell without having to look that Barney was watching her from the doorway. He had a way of making his presence known even when he wasn't trying to.

"Got enough blankets?" She could hear the quiet amusement in his voice.

"My mom used to tuck us in like this when we were little. It always made me feel safe."

The mattress shifted as he shed his jacket and shoes and laid down next to her. "How're you feeling?"

"Tired. And a little sore."

His hand skimmed her side, as if he wasn't sure whether he was allowed to touch her. "You okay with this? 'Cause I can go-"

"Don't you dare." She reached out from her blanket cocoon and pulled his arm around her shoulder. She was too exhausted and scared to keep up the pretense that she didn't need him.

"I was gonna say 'go sleep on the couch,' but this works too."

They fell into an easy silence, broken only by the creak of springs and the rustle of fabric as he relaxed against her.

"Aren't you worried about wrinkles?"

He snorted. "Please, Robin. Bros before clothes."

"Is that officially part of the Code?"

"I'm thinking of amending it."

She was still smiling at that as she fell asleep.  
______

"… So that's it." Barney was hunched over his glass of scotch as if he was ready to dive into it. "I'm screwed. And not the fun kind."

"Wow." Lily was slightly wide-eyed as she contemplated her own drink, mulling over the bombshell he'd just dropped on her. "So what are you going to do about it?"

_I have no idea._ "Nothing, probably." He shrugged.

Lily's helpful, well-thought out response to this was to reach across the booth and slap him.

"_Ow._ What the hell was that for?"

"Barney, this isn't some sort of twenty-four hour bug you're just going to get over. I don't know when you went and developed a soul, but I'm not going to stand by and let you throw away something potentially good for you because you're too scared to go after it."

"I'm not-"

"Besides, I still owe you for San Francisco."

"Nuh-uh!" She pretended not to notice the way his voiced cracked on the second syllable. "I married you guys, remember? Accounts squared, transaction complete, nobody owes anyone anything."

"Whatever." She waved off his protest. "If you don't deal with this now it's just going to eat at you until you wind up doing something stupid, and I don't want to see either of you get hurt."

The arrival of Ted and Marshall spared him from any further discussion, but he really didn't like the surreptitious looks Lily kept giving him.

He was definitely screwed.  
_____

This wasn't happening.

She'd been denying the reality of it since… well, since that night because this never happened. Robin Scherbatsky was not the type to fall in love impulsively. She'd been attracted to men instantly, of course, but attraction wasn't love. Attraction was easy. Love was something she did deliberately, weighing and balancing pros and cons like some sort of twisted, grown-up science fair project. Only now it seemed to have happened without her even noticing.

After a week of not at all panic-filled confusion, she'd finally sought outside advice.

"I can't figure it out," she said around a mouthful of Cherry Garcia. An hour into the conversation, they were already halfway through the Ben &amp; Jerry's supply. "There are a lot of things I love about Barney, but I don't know if loving the parts means loving the whole."

"Heh."

"Lily!"

"I'm sorry!" Lily made a placating gesture with her dessert spoon. "I'm just… it's _Barney_, you know?"

Oh, she knew alright. She was acutely aware that despite his good qualities, there were aspects of Barney Stinson that were - not to put too fine a point on it - loathsome. It was just that now they seemed a lot less important than the times when he'd set aside his ego and actually allowed himself to open up to her. She was fairly sure there was a side of him that only she got to see, and that thought was as intimidating as it was awesome.

Lily was also feeling a little conflicted at that point. She wasn't sure what to say to Robin that wouldn't involve betraying Barney's trust, and he'd been so painfully uncertain about the situation himself that she wasn't even sure keeping quiet about their talks was the best idea. If nothing else, the fact that the two most emotionally guarded people she know had somehow managed to break through each other's defenses definitely deserved further consideration.

Then she realized she'd been quiet for a long time and should probably say something.

"We're gonna need more ice cream."  
_____

In retrospect, everything had been going much too smoothly. Lily and Marshall had finally finished fixing up their new apartment, Ted and Stella had reluctantly decided to slow down and not rush into marriage, and if anyone had noticed Barney was hooking up with fewer girls than usual, they weren't letting on. (He was kind of offended by that, actually. He'd had an elaborate excuse all planned out.) So it was upsetting but not exactly shocking when Robin announced that she'd been offered a temporary assignment overseas.

Years of casual deception came in handy then as he was able to get his game face on and join in the congratulating before Lily could start giving him looks again. Later, he'd caught Robin on her way to the bar and offered her private traveling lessons.

"Why would I need travel tips from you?"

"I know how to say 'Where's the bathroom?' in eight languages and 'Where's the bar?' in twelve."

She considered this. "You're on. But you'd better not try to secretly teach me anything dirty."

He scoffed. "Like I'd do that."

She gave him a look of her own.

"Yeah, you're right. I totally would."  
_____

His insistence on accompanying her to the airport a few weeks later should have been the first clue that something weird was going on. The others had said their farewells at the bar the night before, but Barney had been finding more and more reasons to hang around her lately, something she'd attributed to the move. She definitely wasn't expecting to return from a bathroom break and find him nonchalantly sitting at the gate.

"Did you buy a plane ticket just to get in here?"

"There's something I need to tell you before you leave."

She spent the next fifteen minutes listening in shocked silence as he told her how his feelings for her had evolved, from their first epic Laser Tag battle to the moment in the hospital when he'd realized how much he needed her in his life. She was half relieved that she hadn't been freaking out over nothing and half ready to strangle him for his timing, though on some level she understood that this was his way of offering her an out of her own.

She was going to have a very long talk with Lily about this, international phone rates be damned.

"Scherbatsky. You still with me?"

"Yeah." She took a deep breath, cursing mentally as her flight was announced. "Yeah. We'll talk about this when I get back, right?"

He gave her a quick kiss on her forehead. "Right."

She heard him call something to her in Japanese as she handed over her boarding pass. She was pretty sure it was something dirty.  
_____

With Robin out of town, it hadn't taken long for Lily to let Barney's secret slip. He was almost impressed by her restraint, although if Marshall's forced reaction was anything to go by, she hadn't kept it entirely to herself. Ted was still speaking to him, though he suspected that had more to do with a certain up close and personal encounter with the Crosstown Express than any personal feelings he might have had on the matter.

All in all, it had made for some rather stilted conversations.

"Do you even know why I'm mad at you?"

"Oh look honey, it's our round." Lily made a hasty exit from the booth, pulling her husband along with her.

"Well, do you?"

"Because you're still freakishly possessive of your ex-girlfriend?"

"I am not! And that's not even it. You say you've been in love with Robin all this time, but you're still sleeping around and…" He waved a hand at Barney as he failed to articulate exactly what he was also doing.

"And you've known me how long?"

"_Barney_." The Serious Ted voice told him in no uncertain terms that he wasn't going to be able to bullshit his way out of this one.

""I don't know, man." He trailed off, staring at his glass. Alcohol was unfortunately refusing to provide any answers.

"Look, I know it's scary-"

"I'm not scared! Why does everyone keep saying that?"

"Uh, 'cause it's _obvious?_ You had one real relationship that ended badly and ever since then you've lived your safe little life of crazy schemes and meaningless sex because you're afraid of being rejected.'

Barney rolled his eyes. "Thank you, Sigmund Freud. Do I get fries with that analysis?"

"Just… think about it." Ted's voice had gone from Angry Serious to Concerned Serious, which was strange and somewhat confusing.

There was a moment of uncomfortable silence.

"Ted?"

"Yeah?"

"You realize if you tell anyone we had this conversation, I will be forced to kill you."

"Duly noted."  
_____

"So what's the deal with you and Barney?"

Robin's return from points east had neatly coincided with Marshall and Lily's move to their new apartment, which made it the perfect opportunity for a combined "Welcome home/Good luck in your new place" party. Robin wasn't exactly sure why it wasn't an actual housewarming party, although Lily had said something about wanting to "test drive" the new furniture first. She hadn't wanted to think too much about what that meant.

In any case she'd been enjoying the respite from thinking about the Barney Situation – as she'd taken to calling it, complete with mental capitalization – right up until Ted sat down beside her and asked her the question that had nearly made her choke on her champagne.

"Kitchen. Now," she ordered once she'd caught her breath. It wasn't exactly the venue she would have chosen for this discussion, but it was vastly preferable to a room full of friends and acquaintances in various stages of inebriation.

Once they reached the relatively private space, she crossed her arms and leaned against the refrigerator. "How'd you find out?"

"Lily told us about a week after you left."

"Wow, she took that long?"

"I know. We were all sort of surprised."

"You're not gonna go all silent treatmenty, are you? Because you really hurt him last time."

"I know, and I'm not, but I want to hear your take on it."

"I haven't even talked to him about it yet. What exactly is it you want to hear?"

"I just want to know if this is really what you want-"

"I don't know yet! And I think you're confusing what I want with what you want."

That stopped Ted in his tracks. "Huh?"

"You want the whole package deal – marriage, kids, brunches… and that's great. For you." She paused, trying to find the words for what should have been increasingly obvious to both of them. "But maybe what I want is someone I can have fun with and be myself around and just enjoy being with for however long it lasts. And I need you to be okay with that because I think this might actually be it."

"I… Wow." He sagged against the counter, looking slightly stunned. "Seriously?"

"I didn't realize it until about ten seconds ago, but yeah."

"You really think you can have that with Barney?"

She was growing surer of it by the minute, but there was no way she could explain it to Ted, with his happily-ever-afters and Prince Charming dreams. "I should go find out."

"…Right." Ted seemed to snap out of a private moment she hadn't realized he was having. "He's on the roof."

He threw an arm around her shoulder in a friendly embrace as they vacated the kitchen. The partygoers who weren't openly staring at them were studiously trying to avoid looking in their direction.

"You know what to do if he breaks your heart, right?"

"I've got my gun."  
_____

He was at the railing when she found him, cigar and scotch in hand as usual. For the briefest of moments she considered turning around and going back inside, but she knew if they didn't get this out in the open they'd just keep dancing around it until one of them ended up panicking and bolting. "Hey."

He didn't turn around, but his voice was warm. "Hey."

"You know, Lily doesn't technically live here anymore. I'm pretty sure you can smoke inside now."

He shrugged. "Still need to have that talk."

"Yep."

"Stalling?"

"Totally." They stood shoulder to shoulder, watching the late-night traffic crawl by as she gathered up the nerve to speak again. "So what's been going on with you?"

"Here in the Land of Awesome? Ted thinks I have abandonment issues."

"Hot." In spite of everything still unsaid between them, she was grinning. _Time to bite the bullet, Scherbatsky…_

"Barney?"

"Hmm?"

"You planned that little stunt at the airport, didn't you?"

He finally turned to face her, well-practiced roguishly charming smile masking genuine nervousness. When she told the story to her nieces and nephews in days to come, Robin would pinpoint this as the exact moment she knew for certain.

"Did it work?"

The skyline seemed to shimmer as she pulled him close and kissed him, tension giving way to passion as he ran his fingers through her hair. She felt him sigh softly as he pulled away just long enough to whisper in her ear.

"If this is how they say yes in Canada, I may have to visit more often."

 

The last thought that found its way into Barney's mind before his brain switched off entirely was that Ted and Marshall had been right all that time ago. It really was easy to fall in love up here.


End file.
